at home with a book

doing more by doing less

2012-02-17T14:31:00.000-07:00

I had such grand plans at the start of this year. This was the year I was going to pull it together and do it all. This year would be different.

Yep.

You can probably guess how that turned out.

Sifting through the rubble of my once-grand plans I realized that what I needed was not more things to do but to do more with the things I already do. My days area already filled with things I love to do:

being a wife being a mother meals housekeeping

homeschool prayer scriptures reading

journaling photography

blogging light sewing

and

(coming soon)

gardening

Instead a slew of new projects, I am going to focus on being more fully involved with what already fills my days.

I am inspired by The Red-Headed Hostess to expand my scripture study.

I am inspired by Project Life and The Joy Dare and to enhance my journaling and photography.

I want to focus on Provident Living/homemaking skills and practices to enrich my home and family.

To-Do List meet the Rule of Three

2012-02-15T13:57:00.001-07:00

I love lists.
I write lists for everything.
Long lists.
Lots of lists.

For some things that's okay. My list of house upgrades = evolving. My list of theater productions I want to see = long list. My lists of books = many, varied, organized.

But what I love most is my To-Do list. I use it daily. I use it to keep track of my life, stay on top of things, and keep me focused. Lately (the last year or so), my To-Do list has taken on a life of its own. It has become cumbersome and guilt inducing.

So, in the spirit of Less is More, I am introducing my To-Do List to the Rule of Three. I will decide on up to three things that need to be done each day. Three things that are not already part of my daily routine. Three things that need my attention.

Today those three things are:

go over the weekly budget
a surprise trip the the Treehouse Museum
fold and put away the laundry

What three things are on your list today?

HAPPINESS IS . . . . .

2012-02-13T13:56:00.000-07:00

. . .breakfast.

HAPPINESS IS . . .. . .. .

2012-02-06T14:29:00.000-07:00

. . . .a happy helper.

back to me

2012-02-01T22:18:00.000-07:00

Okay, I've mucked about a bit and I think I've got things resettled in this space. Almost.

A conversation with Head has made me realize that somewhere along the way I've ditched a few very important things. Things like the confidence of knowing I can handle anything that comes my way. Or, keeping it simple. And, taking my own journey instead of trying to make another person's my own.

"Mothers who know do less."

So my new goals for this year are to DO LESS and KEEP IT SIMPLE. It may be the hardest thing I've ever done.

confession time

2012-01-20T16:40:00.011-07:00

I am a list maker.
I am a perfectionist.
I like things to be neat and orderly and just so.
I am not good with change.It leaves me unsettled and disoriented.
Flexibility is not one of my strengths.

The problem is that I don't always realize that things are not really working out until I feel an uncontrollable urge to scour the house and throw things out. My to-do list starts getting out of control with the need to define every aspect of my life. Yep. That's when I know that something is broken. You'd think I'd know the signs by now before it gets critical but, no, I like to let the drama build a little before breaking. There are usually some tears involved. And some chocolate.

Some things around here are just not working for us. I'm still trying to keep house like I always have. There wasn't a lot to do when Head and I got married. After my first child that part of things didn't change much. I worked, Head traveled a lot. We weren't really home enough for things to be disordered. But now I have four kids and a bigger house and I need a new routine. Except that all my new routines seem a lot like my old routine because I can't get passed the idea in my head of how things should work. And that's where I'm stuck.

It's the same with homeschool. Our attempts at a routine so far have not worked very well. There are always interruptions and Head's non-traditional schedule interrupts my natural flow through the day. I haven't been able to work around it very well. I feel like my day is in a constant state of interruption from what it should be. Our experience so far has taught me that the key to our days is flexibility within a framework but I can't seem to make it work. We should be and want to be more relaxed and less scheduled homeschoolers but this, of course, works against my need for detailed plans.

I am not the mother I want to be because I am too busy trying to keep my home and family running on routines that suit my personal ideas of how things should be instead of working with the needs and flow of my home and family.

I've read the do this and do that books. I've read the be this and be that books. I've read the how to and let me inspire you blogs (I guess I'm a little obsessive about research too.)

I'm tired.

I feel like I am at war with myself. So what do I do?

What do you do when you are in your own way?

back into Wordless Wednesday

2012-01-18T21:09:00.004-07:00

I know I'm late with this.Things are still a bit scattered after the holidays. January is flying by. But, better late than never as they say.

What fictional character do you identify with the most?

This proved to be a difficult question. I can think of so many fictional characters that I like or admire or have wanted to be. I am having trouble thinking of one with whom I identify.

One of my first thoughts was Little Women (of course). I have always fancied myself to be Jo but I am probably most like Meg and would love to be more like Marmee.

I still don't feel like I've really answered the question.

Hmmmmm..........

I posted this and two and a half minutes later realized that I identify an awful lot with Hermione Granger. Um, except for the whole magic/wizarding thing. I can't really do that.(although I sometimes wish I could, then I would want to be Mrs Weasley because she just puts it all to the best use.with the dishes and the knitting) I just feel a bit familiar with the study, stress-out, read big books, capable, know-it-all part. Especially the know-it-all part. And a little bit with the hair. I do wish I had her bottomless magic purse.

Okay. I feel better now.

HAPINESS IS . . . .

2012-01-16T15:59:00.000-07:00

. . . . a good book.

wasting time

2012-01-14T21:10:00.000-07:00

I have to admit to wasting a little time while waiting for something to write about. I came across the link while browsing through blogs. I just submitted samples of previous blog posts.

I write like
William Gibson

I Write Like by Mémoires, journal software. Analyze your writing!

I write like
William Shakespeare

I Write Like by Mémoires, journal software. Analyze your writing!

Other entries resulted in:

Anne Rice
Stephen King
Douglas Adams
H. P. Lovecraft
Daniel DeFoe
Chuck Palahniuk
Jane Austen
and
Dan Brown.

I am not sure what to make of the various results. I have to admit to not having read many of their works. I haven't even heard of one of them.. But its rather fun. I could do this all night.

well . . . this is embarressing

2012-01-13T21:31:00.000-07:00

So, I work to re-design the blog. I then change everything around again. I am all excited to get started blogging again. I wait for time to sit at the computer. I wait for inspiration. And . . . I find I have nothing to say. I'm sure I will have something to say. Soon, I hope. But, right now . . I got nothing. How is that possible?

just a note

2012-01-04T21:39:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the confusion and the construction. This blog is coming back online in bits and pieces. The reading challenges and book things have their own space now. The link is on the bar if you care to look.

One little Word times Seven

2012-01-02T21:10:00.001-07:00

The last couple of years I've joined in with Ali Edwards to choose one word for the year to inspire me. Nothing seemed to quite fit for this new year. As I contemplated various choices something else kept coming to mind. I recently read a talk ( I think it was a talk. I cannot remember where I read this and its just tickling away at my brain) about how we should focus not only on what we need to do but who we need to be. So, in place of One little Word for this year, I have a list of seven little words for a lifetime that describe who I want to be and how I want to live my life.

PASSIONATE

FEARLESS

COMMITTED

DILIGENT

COMPASSIONATE

CONTENT

GRATEFUL

Inspiration Point

2011-07-25T22:52:00.002-06:00

We had family in town this weekend

so we decided to take them all up to Inspiration Point on top of Willard Peak.

Its the most amazing view of the four valleys, mountains, and the Great Salt Lake.

You can see all the way to Idaho

on a clear day.

Of course no trip with us would be complete without a minor mishap.

This time it wasn't our vehicle.

Whats new?

2011-07-24T00:39:00.001-06:00

Glad you asked.

Sunshine has glasses.

Not a big surprise considering both Head and I wear them.

Scout has figured out what to do when she roles over.

Hi, Mom, aren't I cute?

Monkey just wanted her picture on the computer.

feisty

2011-07-20T14:30:00.000-06:00

This is one feisty little girl.

Scout is determined not to let the grass grow under her feet. She's been rolling onto her side for quite some time and then Sunday she up and rolled over in two tries and then rolled back. She also scoots all over the floor on her back by lifting up her bum and pushing with her feet. Subsequently she's gotten tangled in chair legs, gotten stuck partway under the couch and scooted headfirst into the bookcases. All our worries about her motor control have evaporated. Nothing is going to hold her back if she has her way..She's a determined little thing with a truly sunny disposition. Not long after coming out of anesthesia for a procedure at the hospital on Monday she was all smiles and kicks.

Um . . . what now, Mom?

unfinished

2011-07-16T17:31:00.001-06:00

Apparently I have a half dozen or so posts in draft mode; unfinished and unposted from the last two weeks. My house is also half dusted, the laundry half folded, the flower garden half weeded, 3 books half read and just about everything else I am doing or trying to do is . . you guessed it . . half done. There is a pattern emerging here for the summer.

The question is, how do move on from starting destined-to-be-half-finished-to-dos and start doing the other half of the already-half-done-to-dos? Sigh. I think I'll go take half a nap.

I pledge allegiance . . .

2011-07-04T16:17:00.000-06:00

to the

united with

under God

holding these truths to be self-evident

to secure the blessings of liberty

for all.

May we ever remember with hand-over-heart reverence; humbled, proud, and truly grateful.

Happy Independence Day!

almost like pancakes

2011-07-02T18:30:00.000-06:00

This is what my girls had for breakfast. This is what we all had for breakfast. I have a nasty head cold and was up half the night completely miserable and up the other half the night with a completely miserable coughing-sore-throated Monkey.. Nothing in the house breakfast wise that doesn't need me to cook it - so everyone helped themselves. A little glass milk rounded it out. That's eggs and milk and flour, folks.

liar liar

2011-06-30T07:05:00.001-06:00

A conversation overheard from the far back seat of the Suburban:

Monkey: I see a helicopter. I see a helicopter out my window!
Sunshine: Where? I don't see one.
Monkey: Right there out my window.
Sunshine: There isn't a helicopter.
Monkey: There is a helicopter. See. Just look with both your eyes out my window.
Sunshine: I don't see a helicopter. That is called a lie.
Monkey: There is too a helicopter. Both my eyes saw it and told me it wasn't a lie.
Sunshine: (with a big sigh) Your pants must be on fire by now.

birthday toys

2011-06-29T08:59:00.000-06:00

For Bug's birthday I made her the Tag-Along-Doll from Hillary Lang's Wee Wonderfuls.

I have to say that I love this book! I don't know why I've spent six months perusing the pictures instead of actually sewing. It turned out to be fairly easy. My two older girls have already made their requests.

I also whipped up this "Go Fishing" set.

I found the idea over at Leafy Treetop Spot. There are patterns and instructions for the fish, the worms, and the poles. The setting and storage notes were a bit more vague so I made up my own. It wasn't as hard as you think and the fish are just so cute! The whole family has had fun with this.

a word about turning 2

2011-06-29T08:31:00.000-06:00

Whew! I finished just in time for Bug's second birthday.

This child is a bundle of curiosity. She keeps pace with her older sisters and will not let herself be left out of whatever they are doing. She is my little shadow and my constant helper. She watches everything I do very carefully and then sets out to do it herself. . I have to keep a close eye on her because she is sometimes too clever for her own good. She is also my baby monitor. If the baby makes even the tiniest noise she squawks, "Baby cwying. Baby cwying." . She laughs easily. She calls her belly button her "butt" because she can't get it all out. And she tells that banana knock knock joke but never gets to the orange. Her favorite phrases are "one more" and "I do it" and "I like it." She is so proud of being able to get dressed by herself which usually means backwards, inside out or her sisters' clothes.

I have a confession to make: I love this age. I don't believe in the "terrible twos." I think children this age are trying so hard to learn to do things themselves and to communicate. They want to be big and independent but they still need help. They want to talk and tell you and ask and convey but don't always have the words. They are trying to figure out how it all works and where they fit in. They are such bundles of energy and always so busy with their own little important tasks. There are moments of frustration on both sides but I think its mostly a matter of you slowing down to match their need to feel important, included, independent, and understood.

moving right along

2011-06-22T02:08:00.000-06:00

Its 2 am, the laundry is piling up and I'm behind on my blog reading but one project down. Next up: fish, and I'm running out of time..

dropping in

2011-06-18T22:52:00.000-06:00

Oh, how the time gets away from me as posts go unwritten and photographs languish on my memory card but there is something afoot.

Summer School: Week Two

2011-06-13T15:10:00.000-06:00

For week two we:

*Made chalk pictures.

*Made PB & J Bars.

*Worked on our nature jounals.
*Read Rikki Tikki Tavi from The Jungle Book by Rudyard Kipling and look up pictures of mongooses and cobras online and found India on Google Earth.
*Used markers and scissors and stickers to make stories in our blank books.

Summer School : Week One

2011-06-13T14:22:00.000-06:00

My how the time flies . . . and I have let it get away from me. I'm two weeks behind. Having a bout of stomach flu go through the family and then having family in town will do that to you. So, let me catch you up with what's going on. We are doing a twelve week summer school; nothing serious, just fun. Our areas of study are:

Photograpy

Cooking

Nature Study

Literature

Crafts

and

Field Trips

WEEK ONE

*Made butterfly mobiles from Family Fun Magazine.

*Baked bread.

*Made sidewalk paint and decorated the drive and the front walk.

* Started our nature journals.

* Went to the Zoo where the animatronic dinosaurs (two of them spit water at you) were a big hit as was the carousel, the train, the elephants, the monkeys and the tigers and where I did not get one good photograph (how is that possible?!)

AND

this gift arrived in the mail from a friend

oh, the irony

2011-05-27T22:01:00.003-06:00

Okay, my last post was about the joys of laundry so

of course - my washer decides to stop spinning. It will fill up and agitate but no spinning, no draining

of course - its a crazy busy week with trips down to Salt Lake two consecutive days for a total of 4 doctor appointments leaving Head no time to take a look at it until tomorrow

of course - I already had about three loads piled up

of course - I needed all the remaining towels to mop up an accident in the bathroom

of course - everybody ran out of something today and we left the house with kids in too-big-borrowed something to make do

of course - as soon as its fixed tomorrow (cross your fingers) I will have to do at least three times as much laundry as usual to catch up (laundry multiplies exponentially, I'm sure of it)

of course - we are blessing the baby this weekend and will have a house full of people so we need towels and clean underwear

of course - because we are blessing the baby I already have at least twenty other things to do and I wasn't counting on having to do laundry

*sigh*
No one truly appreciates clean laundry until there isn't any.
Especially me.

my musings about laundry

2011-05-24T10:17:00.001-06:00

I love laundry. Actually, I love housework but I love doing the laundry the best. Laundry is all about creating order from chaos and, to the uninitiated, it may seem like magic. They (the uninitiated) tend to throw dirty clothes in the direction of 0 the hamper and then - poof - clean clothes appear in their drawers and closets. They are not sure how this happens. Maybe there is a laundry fairy in the house they wonder.

But I know better. It is well orchestrated dance whose steps keep the process in continual motion. I take the dirty, smelly, stained, wrinkled clothing discarded on the floor or in the hamper and restore it to usefulness. Washing is its own process of sorting, soaking, scrubbing stains, choosing the correct temperature and the right wash cycle. I tumble each load together in the washing machine with a carefully chosen detergent created just for this purpose. The machine operates on a precise time table and buzzes me when it is finished. Now it is time to transform wet into dry. This too is a process of sorting and hanging or transferring to the dryer with carefully chosen cycle and heat settings. It can't be hurried. It takes time and patience. It leaves me free to do other things. Once all of it is dry the fun begins. I sort again and smooth, iron, match and fold into neat little piles all tucked away in drawers or on shelves or hung into neat little rows. Now it waits all ordered and tidy. I can sigh with satisfaction of a job well done. No one needs to know the effort behind the magic I have created.

Sometime very soon I will have to start letting my daughters in on the secret; teach them the choreography. The magic will fade a little as I pass it on. But for now, the joy of hand wash cold and tumble dry low is all mine.

Maybe I love laundry because it reminds me of home. One of the most comforting memories of my childhood has to do with laundry. I grew up in the same house my parents still live in. For most of that time I slept in the same bedroom adjacent to the laundry/storage room in the basement. I can close my eyes and hear my mother transferring laundry from the washer to the dryer; the light from the laundry room a thin sliver under my closed door. I hear her footsteps climb the stairs; the last one in the house to go to bed. And then, in the quiet and the darkness of the house settled down to sleep, I curl up under my blankets and drift off to sleep to the comforting rumbling lullaby of the dryer knowing that all is right with the world.

That's the secret, then, of laundry. Laundry is magic and clean dry laundry makes everything right with the world.

Happiness is . . . .

2011-05-23T10:06:00.001-06:00

. . . a phone of your own.
(Can this girl multi-task or what?)

Are you needing a little encouragement?

2011-05-21T20:33:00.055-06:00

I am.

What Has Being a Mother Taught Me? Joy in the Journey

The Joy of Womanhood from Latter-Day Homeschooling

On Empty Pots from Operation Joy

2011 BYU Women's Conference Notes from Chocolate on my Cranium
and the rest are found in this post.

spoons

2011-05-19T22:06:00.001-06:00

Spoons!

This kid loves spoons. A spoon is required for everything she eats. Fruit snacks? Must try to eat with a spoon. Crackers? Yep, spoon in hand. She pulls spoons out of the drawer and plays with them. I find them scattered and stashed all over the house.

Spoons are becoming a scarce commodity.

So I put the kitchen stool on top of the fridge to keep a little someone out of the spoons. Hah! I have four kids. Did I really think that would stop her?

still here

2011-05-16T22:40:00.001-06:00

I thank you for your comments, your prayers, and your warm wishes. They make a difference and they mean a lot.

Here is a bit of what we've been doing these last weeks.

Coloring

Stickers

Cooking

Reading

in gratitude

2011-05-10T21:25:00.000-06:00

Some of what I have been grateful for:

- A mother-in-law who lives mere minutes away from Primary Childrens Medical Center and who, despite her own condition and her weariness after a day of work, spent an hour almost every evening in the NICU.

- My parents who drove an hour each way every day to be with my girls while Head and I went to the hospital
.
- Priesthood blessings which bring unimaginable comfort and hope.

- NICU nurses who go to work everyday and show such love and tenderness and compassion for the little ones in their care. It can't be an easy job.

- Doctors and nurse practitioners who sit down with you and answer every question your husband has thought of, address every concern and fear that races through a mother's heart, and are willing to explain the how and why of each procedure being done.

- Relief Society sisters who brought in meals every night for almost two weeks. We ate so well; chicken chowder, pot roast and potatoes, fruit, salads, breads, cookies, mushroom pork chops, fried chicken, homemade pizza, the list just keeps going.

- A Ward Family: Visiting Teachers, Home Teachers, Relief Society President, Bishop, friends and neighbors who showed such love and compassion with offers to watch the girls, do laundry, provide transportation to the hospital, a shoulder to cry on and stories. So many people were willing to share their own stories.

- My three girls at home who always greeted me with hugs and kisses, cards and pictures, stories and knock knock jokes.

- My sister who lent us her 100 episode Spongebob DVD collection.

- -Cadbury Fruit and Nut Chocolate Bars, of which I ate way too many, that kept me going through those long days.

AND

- Home. There is no place like home.

And Now We Are Six Weeks Old

2011-05-07T21:30:00.058-06:00

We welcomed this little one into our family six weeks ago. It was an easy delivery. I was so excited to finally hold her in my arms. And for ten minutes or so everything was perfect. She was perfect. And then, between on breath and the next, everything changed as the nurses began to explain that Primary Children's Medical Center had been contacted and an ambulance was on its way. It was so difficult to focus on what they were trying to explain to me. All I could think of was that she was barely mine and they were going to take my baby from me. My heart just seemed to freeze. I was holding her. She was fine. But she wasn't. So, three hours after she was born I was able to see her briefly before she was transported to the childrens hospital an hour away.

It was a long terrible three hours waiting in the hospital until I could be discharged and another long drive to the hospital, a long drive home, and a very short night until we were back at the hospital waiting for her to come out of surgery. She was in the NICU for 11 days. Those eleven days are such a blur. I had three girls at home who needed attention and comfort and care and who could not really understand what was going on; only that their baby sister could not come home yet. Head had just started his new job and was trying to concentrate on his training. We made the hour drive to the hospital every day and spent a couple hours with our little girl before Head went to work and I went home. I was completely exhausted and either emotionally depleted or overflowing almost every minute of every one of those days.

Every day there was another diagnostic, another CT scan, another MRI, another ultrasound, another blood sample. They sent a catheter into her heart. She ate and slept and breathed and behaved like any perfectly healthy newborn. She was the healthiest baby in the NICU making it even harder for us to leave her there every day.

Her diagnosis is Caudal Regression Syndrome which is a spectrum condition that results from the abnormal development of the lower spine that occurs within the 4th and 7th weeks of fetal development and can effect bone structure, nerve development, internal organs, and the digestive track. Our little Scout is lucky, she is on the positive end of the spectrum. So many things that could be wrong or that are expected to be malformed, are not. She also has Dextrocardia meaning that her heart is on the right side of her chest instead of the left. (Did you know that the heart can develop normally in the center or right of the chest? I didn't but my Dad said he read it in a western once and someone else said the saw it on CSI. Who knew, huh?) In Scout's case, this condition carries its own complications as her heart has some abnormal anatomy.

At the end of those eleven days, it was such a relief to bring her home. To be able to hold her and cuddle her all day. Here at home she is just a sweet tempered beautiful perfect baby girl who is thriving. There are several more surgeries in her future and possible complications due to her condition and it is so hard not knowing what the future holds for her. I read once that God makes each of us His version of perfect. Whatever waits for her, we are so grateful she is ours.

unexpected lessons

2011-05-04T22:50:00.001-06:00

There were so many things I expected to learn when I became a mother

patience

and more patience

how to diaper a squirmy child intent on escaping

the art of cooking dinner with a child on my hip and one clinging to my leg

teaching a child to read

making strained peas

how to laugh right now and not wait until I look back

keeping track of 3 little ones at the park, library, grocery store

when to read just one more story

so many many things.

What I never expected to learn was how to pray.

I've so often said my prayers but it wasn't until I became a mother that I came to know what it is to pour out my heart in prayer. I have prayed for peace while pacing with a colicky child at 3 AM. I have prayed for endurance on my third nearly sleepless night of being up with one child or another suffering from the flu. I have prayed to find a child who wandered away in a store. I have prayed for patience to keep from crying or yelling or being hurtful. I have prayed to show love instead of anger.I have prayed to swallow pride. I have prayed for guidance on how to mother a child, teach a child, help a child. I have prayed for miracles. I have prayed for courage to place a child in God's hands and trust His will. I have learned to whisper quick prayers amidst the noise and chaos of the moment. I have learned to pray aloud so that my children might hear and know. I have learned to plead in the quiet on my knees. Prayer is a lesson I did not know I needed to learn until I needed to pray.

I have always understood the importance of prayer but since becoming a mother I have come to understand how important it is that I pray.

Because I cannot do this crazy, hard, wonderful thing called "Being the Mom" without it.

For more Wordfull Wenesday check out Chocolate on My Cranium.

The Myth of Balance

2011-03-24T00:33:00.001-06:00

MYTHS ABOUT WOMEN

What myths do you struggle with?

What myths have you overcome?

BALANCE

me vs. them

Seems simple enough doesn't it? Having a balanced life; wife, mother, Relief Society sister, a fully developed individual. Creating work-life balance. Being mindful and organized and a fully realized individual.. Happiness is a balanced life and a life out of balance leads to dissatisfaction. I am not talking about trying to do it all superwoman style (that's another post entirely) or achieving a level of self-impossed perfection (ahem, that's also its very own post). I am talking about that subtle art of account keeping to ensure that I get equal time.

We all deserve a little time off now and then, right? Who doesn't need an occasional (okay, okay - daily) nap or an afternoon with your sister, or an hour to browse the stacks at the local library without distraction. Some women may run in the mornings or have time set aside to practice and instrument. These are all good things and we all need some time to ourselves to indulge in our own pursuits to be healthy and happy. But what happens when we start keeping score? When we try to balance ourselves against the demands of our lives?

I've been told my whole life by talk shows and self-help experts and well-meaning speakers that I must achieve balance in my life. That I deserve to have "my own life" and "a break" from the daily grind and that my husband should "pick up the slack." I have been told that I will "burn out" and "resent" my family if I let them "stifle" my creativity. I must demand my own space and my own time and sacrifices must be made (babysitter, nanny, housekeeper, frozen pre-made dinner programs, spa weekends) so I can rejuvinate and rest from my responsibilities. If not, I will be unfullfilled, unhappy, depressed, tired, and without a life.

For awhile I believed this (not to the extent of nannies and spa weekends) but that I deserved to have time off. I thought that to be happy I needed to be able to get away by myself to do what I wanted to do. I would get grumpy if naptime wasn't coordinated or came up short. I would get irritated if I was working on something and was interrupted. I would complain if I didn't think that Head was taking his turn with the kids when I wanted to work on a project of just leave the house by myself.. I believed that my family ought to make acomodations for what I wanted; after all I slaved away for them.

Everyone was unhappy. Me most of all. And then I read Confessions of an Unbalance Woman by Emily Watts. If you haven't read Emily Watts or listened to her speak, you really should. She talks about her search for that elusive idea of balance and how she changed her mind. She uses an analogy from a scene in the movie The Ten Commandments. The pharaoh is listing accusations made against Prince Moses. For each accusation, Prince Ramses places a silver weight on a balance scale so that it dips lower and lower. When the pharaoh is done, Moses responds as he places a brick on the other side of the scale dropping it dramatically to rest on the table. In that moment, Emily Watts realized that she doesn't need balance, she needs a brick.

BALANCING WITH A BRICK

I also needed a brick; something so steady and substantial that it would keep my life out of balance. I searched for bricks that would remain in place when silver weights were added to the other side of the scale. My bricks started to stack up: my family, the gospel, good books, prayer. And slowly I remembered why Head and I had chosen to work hard and make sacrifices for me to stay home with our children. I began to see the worth and purpose in my work. I stopped feeling entitled to time off and began to be grateful when a little time to myself came my way. I learned to work around interruptions and through the noise and with a child in my lap. I still struggle a bit here and there when I am very tired or when a misguided media message worms its way into my thoughts but mostly I focus on my bricks and let small and simple chunks of time produce great results.

For more Wordfull Wednesday, check out Chocolate On My Cranium.

check, check, and check

2011-03-19T12:51:00.011-06:00

*baby clothes washed, sorted and put away in our *new* dresser

*stocked up on new baby diapers and supplies

*caught up on the laundry so everyone has clean underwear, clean towels, and clean sheets

*floors are swept, mopped, vacumned

*house is neat and tidy

*all wiggly bodies bathed and hair washed

* stocked up on toothpaste, toilet paper, paper plates, milk, bread, cereal and snacks

*nothing is due at the library for three weeks

*instructions on feeding the girls and the fish, bedtimes, and routines posted on the kitchen cupboard

*blog updated
*legs shaved and toenails painted red

*chocolate stashed

*hospital bag packed

*pizza delivery on Head's speed dial

*checklist complete

Today would be a good day to have a baby. (Did you hear that, sweetheart, Mommy thinks that anytime today would be quite convenient.)

just an update

2011-03-18T19:34:00.008-06:00

Oops!

Where have I been?

What have I been doing for the last couple of weeks?

Um, not having a baby - yet.

That little project is still a work in progress.

Instead, we have been :

*shopping for new work clothes for Head

*substituting in Sunshine's Primary class

*getting Head's car ready to sell, my car ready to be Head's daily driver for work and our Suburban ready to be the new family vehicle which all included, not only a thorough cleaning, but a variety of minor repairs

and (for some reason known only to Head and his extensive automotive experience) a change of interior in my Volvo wagon from beige to grey

*scouring local classifieds and thrift stores for a new-to-us dresser for the baby

*finding a new infant carseat since ours had expired and was showing wear

*celebrating Monkey's 4th birthday which included a surprise adventure

a ride on the commuter train into the "city"

to the planetarium

to play with the displays, eat astronaut ice cream, and catch a cardboard rocket through the solar system in the dome theater. We all loved playing with the "Newton's Dream" display which is a series of balls running through a series of levers and wheels and chutes that demonstrate Newton's three laws.

Then there was lunch out with the grandparents, cake and presents.

*homeschooling here and there in a sort of hit and miss fashion

*all the normal daily life stuff

*oh, and being pregnant which really means being tired most of the time

this thing called hope

2011-02-25T22:29:00.001-07:00

Each of my girls have arrived bringing their own brand of upheaval into our lives.

A few months after Sunshine was born, Head took a position at work that required a great deal of travel and being away from home for weeks at a time. The change was difficult for both of us. But it allowed us to pay off all of our debt and, eventually, for me to quit working.

My last day of work was the day before Monkey was born. We had worked hard for me to be able to stay home with our girls but it wasn't easy to do in the beginning. Head was still traveling a great deal and I was now home with two young children by myself for weeks at a time. For the first time since starting Kindergarten I didn't need to get up and be somewhere every day.

By the time we had Bug I was settled into being a stay-at-home-wife-and-mom. Head was no longer traveling and we were struggling a bit to make ends meet. The week after she was born we sold our house and spent the next 3 weeks packing and moving and the next 3 months living with my father-in-law while we looked for new home. The move was challenging at first, we missed the friendships we had in our old ward and being close to my family. After a year and a half, we have settled in and this now feels like home.

Our fourth little girl has chosen to uphold the family tradition and bring with her arrival a change in our fortunes. As of March 21st, about a week before my due date, Head will start work with a new employer. He will have a year-round, five day a week, steady paycheck entry level job with good benefits, opportunity for advancement in a very large international company, and reimbursement for continuing his education. Our heads are still spinning with the idea.

A week ago we received news from Heads employer that between changes being made to conserve company resources and the lack of adequate work lined up for the year, there is a good chance we may not be called back to work this year. It was a devastating blow. Head and I had felt so strongly that this year would be a good year for us; that we would work a long season and things would look up. Our future, which was difficult enough to plan for and think about, suddenly seemed very bleak. Our circumstances have already been so humbling and our journey these last three years has already been so difficult, we didn't know if we could deal with one more set back. We didn't know what to do.. We had spent the last three years applying for dozens of jobs and following up on every lead with no response.

And then we were blessed.

We were explaining our new situation to my family over a surprise birthday party lunch for my sister on Wednesday when she threw out casually that her company was hiring a very large amount of employees for the customer service department for a very generous higher than average wage. The conversation changed and we went our separate ways. It wasn't until later that evening that the information sank in and we started talking about it. It wasn't the opportunity we were expecting but Head applied Thursday morning, received a phone interview Thursday afternoon, went to a personal interview today and was offered the job.

It all happened so fast.

Our gratitude is immeasurable.

There is such a feeling of relief and disbelief. Its as if a heavy darkness has been lifted from our lives. It will still be a struggle for us for a while but we now have hope. We have hope that our circumstances will improve. We have hope that this initial customer service job will open the door to other positions within the company. We have hope that we will be able to provide a comfortable living for our family. We have hope that we can feel "normal" again; working, raising our family, and planning for the future. We have hope.

What a beautiful gift it is to have hope after living so long without it.

what is beauty

2011-02-23T20:53:00.003-07:00

There are so many places to find beauty: in a face, a painting, a symphony, a sweeping landscape, a grain of sand, in the eye of the beholder. At this moment beauty is, to me, a life of service.

See this lovely lady here:

she is my mother-in-law.
.

I have known her for 12 years or so and she has taught me a lot about service. Her whole life has been about service to others. At a tender age she learned to cook and care for her family. She has raised 6 children, 5 of her own and one whom they welcomed in their family. Times were not always easy and she did what was needed to stretch their meager resources, going without to meet the needs of her family. She has visited the homes of her grown children on more than one occasion to care for grandchildren, cook, clean and serve where needed during times of illness or upheaval. She moved in with her father and nursed him through his last illness and his passing without hesitation.
.

She is from good German stock, so feeding people comes naturally to her. I first met her over a table groaning with food laid out for Head, myself, Head's older brother and a handful of his friends. She has fed countless LDS missionaries, ward members, family, friends, and strangers. She never arrives at our home or lets us leave her home without a gift of food.

Hers has been a life of work and toil. She has cleaned homes, cared for the elderly, served food at banquets at the LDS Conference Center, and worked cash registers and counters in customer service to make ends meet after her divorce. She has also served two LDS Missions to Germany; one in her youth and one about 7 years ago. She has served in countless callings in the LDS church doing whatever is asked of her. She also had the opportunity to serve for a period of time in the Salt Lake Temple.
.

My mother-in-law is a woman of faith and talent. She plays piano, paints and draws. She has instilled in my girls a love of all things artistic. She readily shares her talents with others when needed or asked. She is compassionate and kind and always has a moment for anyone who needs a ride, needs to talk, needs a shoulder to lean on, or needs a meal.

My mother-in-law has stage four cancer. It has spread through several areas of her body. It is terminal. Her days with us our limited. She faces this with grace, good humor and faith. Even now she lives to serve. There are pies and treats that are given to neighbors. She helps care for a frail 100-year old lady who finds comfort in her company. She feeds and houses her children as they come through town. She travels when able to so to do what she can to serve her children. She remains an attentive and caring friend,concerned more about others than her own physical limitations.

This to me is beauty; a life worn clean through with service to everyone who crosses her path. And, because of that, a life lived in the service of her Savior.

For more Wordfull Wednesday check out Chocolate on My Cranium.

a heart divided

2011-02-22T08:49:00.000-07:00

I did not mean to fall silent and neglect this blog. I have started several posts only to abandon them to interruption. Now they are no longer timely but I have been mulling over this post for some time now not knowing exactly what to say.

The last three weeks have been busy with busyness of my own making. I have reached the stage of pregnancy in which preparations need to be made for the impending arrival of the baby and my physical girth and the resulting aches and weariness necessitate that I slow down and rest. This very thought has sent me into a tailspin of activity. Some may call this "nesting" but its not. Quite often the realization that I need to slow down and do less enters into my thoughts and sends me into a maniacal frenzy of doing. I am definately not guilty of the sin of idleness but perhaps of its opposite - prideful activity.

In the last three weeks I have spring-cleaned the house, sorted through and rearranged the closets and storage, decluttered the girls toys, moved Bug's crib from the upstairs office (a euphamism for the tiny bedroom that holds everything that doesn't really belong anywhere else) into Monkey's room, rearranged the office and bedroom furniture to create less distraction in the bedroom and more space in the office, sorted and purged all of the bookcases, reordered all of the paper files into labeled folders, restocked all office/school supplies, posted various extemporanius items on e-bay, the local classifieds, or took them to the thrift store, sorted through all of the baby clothes and the girls summer clothes to determine what is needed, and stopped homeschooling in order to completely makeover and pull together a new curriculum and schedule that will better suit our needs.

And my "to do" list is at least as long as when I started filled with good things that need doing.
I feel caught on a merry-go-round that keeps spinning through the same loop. I have always been an over-achiever. I have always thrived on having a quantifiable way to measure my time and my effort; a teacher's praise, a bonus, all As, a spic and span house was always how I knew I was doing things right. A single B in sophmore Trig sent me into a storm of tears and intensive study and extra credit. After school and work there was still always a "To Do" list to be checked off and completed, a church calling to be full-filled, a household to order.

Even motherhood is itemized and ordered: teeth, bed, hair, bath, story, lunch - check, check, check. The very idea of slowing down and doing less gives me hives and I suddenly find 10 vitally important things that need to be done right now and then I am busy and purposeful again. Maybe I think I can "do" my way into contentment. I have a deeply ingrained belief that there will come a time when everything is clean and done and finished and checked off and then I can relax and enjoy it. I realize this is ridiculous but I can't shake that idea.

This comes with an awful price; a divided heart. I know my priorities - faith, family, home. But I am so busy "to doing" these priorities that I am not daily "living" these priorities. This does not serve my family well. I am distracted and divided; wanting to put my effort and attention into what I can view as being productive. I am always thinking of the next task ahead. I am always wanting to be doing something else. The idea of doing less, even if it is more meaningful, seems to be without purpose, lazy and unproductive. And so my selfishness takes priority as I put aside a child's simple need for a hug or a story to do some all-important-necessary task that I can feel good about.

And so I have a divided heart - trying to serve my selfish need and convincing myself it is serving my family. My actions do not match the desire in my heart. How do I set aside this selfish drive to fullfill my own sense of worth and productivity and submit with a whole heart to doing those unquantifiable things that will bring true contentment and joy and serve my family.How do I slow down and do more of the best things and less of the merely good things? How do I accept that a sink full of dirty dishes that sit overnight matter very little and will be quickly forgotten but a child who delighted in sitting in my lap telling me a long involved fairy story will echo forward in both our lives and be remembered?

How do I heal this divided heart?

a not-so-random act of kindness

2011-02-09T23:03:00.003-07:00

Today is all about those random acts of kindness that have touched our lives.

This is my story.

Three years ago Head had a good paying job with a company going through a period of expansion. He traveled a great deal setting up new retail locations or trouble-shooting at locations that were experiencing problems. He was good at what he did and loved his job (just not the frequent travel.) We lived modestly but there was money enough to meet our needs, pay our bills, pay upon our (almost non-existent) debt, and a little left over for splurging. We felt rich. Head was on the list for managing a new store planned in our area. It all looked so rosy. And suddenly, the investment bank that owned the company collapsed initiating the recent recession. Head's job was eliminated overnight. An incredible series of events landed him a job driving a concrete mixer for a good wage except the work was dependent on weather, seniority, and seasonal demand.. The recession hit this business hard as well. We had work but barely survived that first year. We wiped out what food storage we had. We used our meager savings, our 401K, and every other resource we had to make ends meet. Even then we incurred some debt. Our families were generous and made sure the girls needs were provided for with gifts of clothing and occasional treats but that first winter proved to be difficult. We were surviving but work was scarce and we had to wait by the phone every morning hoping Head would be called in. Tension was high and spirits were low. We rallied to give the girls a cheerful Christmas holiday.

This anonymous letter came in the mail shortly after Christmas accompanied by a very generous money order and instructions to spend it only on frills. The letter let us know they were proud of us for doing what is right for our family and making the needed sacrifices. Since they had had a good year, they wanted to share their bounty .

It wasn't too difficult to determine who sent it. We have respected their wishes and have not said anything. But that moment of knowing that we were thought of and loved was invaluable. It was a ray of sunshine in a dark time of our lives. Head has since switched to driving dump trucks which offer a wider range of work but it is still seasonal. Times are still tough and money tight but things are getting better. Since that first winter we have received many acts of kindness and generosity that have come when we needed help the most but that first sweet gesture when we felt helpless and lost is something I carry with me.

I fervently hope that someday when we have means and opportunity we can pay this loving gesture forward and do for someone what was done for us.

For more Wordless Wednesday check out Chocolate on my Cranium.

One Word for February - WORDS

2011-02-08T22:20:00.002-07:00

HAPPINESS IS . . . .

2011-02-07T08:26:00.000-07:00

. . . . a pink monkey.

Simple Pleasure: a birthday balloon

2011-02-03T22:31:00.000-07:00

For more Simple Pleasures, check out Chocolate on My Cranium.

Joy of Love

2011-02-01T22:01:00.000-07:00

This month I have joined the Joy of Love photography project hosted by Willette Designs. Its a month long project focused on taking pictures of those you love. Each daily assignment is accompanied by a tutorial to get you thinking about the pictures you are taking. Photos are posted on the Joy of Love Flickr Pool. I'll be posting mine on my photography blog, Through My Lens, as well.

Um, I don't think I've let you all know I have a photography blog. I really want to do a 365/photo-a-day project but don't think I'm a quite ready to take on the challenge so I am working on a 100 Photo Project based around a single theme and no timeline. I've started with details. Go ahead and take a look if you like.

HAPPINESS IS . . .

2011-01-31T08:55:00.000-07:00

. . . a comfy sweater.

one little word

2011-01-30T07:15:00.001-07:00

One Little Word

A single word can be a powerful thing. It can be the ripple in the pond that changes everything. It can be sharp and biting or rich and soft and slow. From my own personal experience, it can be a catalyst for enriching your life.

In 2006, I began a tradition of choosing one word for myself each January — a word that I can focus on, mediate on, and reflect upon as I go about my daily life. My words have included play, peace, vitality, nurture, and story. These words have each become a part of my life in one way or another. They've been imbedded into who I am, and into who I'm becoming. They've been what I've needed (and didn't know I needed). They've helped me to breathe deeper, to see clearer, and to grow. - Ali Edwards

In past years I have joined Alie Edwards and dozens of others in her One Little Word project. I have previously chosen "CREATE" and "CONTENTMENT" as my words and then let the effect slough off after January. I hadn't thought of choosing a new word for 2011 until I saw the One Word Project over at Shutter Sisters. It has taken me all month to decide to participate.

The assignment for January is to focus on YOUR one word.

Right away I knew the photograph I wanted to use; the word was more difficult to find.

And, finally, it found me:

transformation

[trans-fer-mey-shun] –noun

1.the act or process of transforming.

2.the state of being transformed.

3.change in form, appearance, nature, or character.

For more of the One Word Project photos check out the Shutter Sisters One Word Project on Flickr.

Now We Are Six

2011-01-29T20:54:00.000-07:00

Now We Are Six

When I was one
I had just begun
When I was two
I was nearly new
When I was three
I was hardly me
When I was four
I was not much more
When I was five
I was just alive
But now I am six,
I'm as clever as clever;
so I think I'll be six now
for ever and ever

by A. A. Milne

Simple Pleasures: Hot Chocolate

2011-01-27T21:30:00.000-07:00

One of my simple pleasures is a steamy cup of hot chocolate (with whipped cream if I'm feeling particularly indulgent). I have a cup just about everyday (even in the summer); sometimes first thing in the morning and sometimes at the end of a long day. Add a Milano or two and its the perfect accompaniment to whatever book I'm reading. I'm generally not too picky about the brand or type but I do love Stephen's Belgian Dark Chocolate and Ghiradelli Double Chocolate and my new favorite (thanks, honey) Godiva Dark Chocolate Cocoa.

I always feel better after a good cuppa.

For more Simple Pleasures check out Chocolate on My Cranium.

2011-01-27T00:19:00.000-07:00

This week is all about our favorite childhood book.

Honestly, can you really have only one favorite?

Just try it.

I dare you.

I have spent a week thinking of my favorite childhood books.

So many books.

So many memories.

It was like flipping the pages of a scrapbook in my mind:

- My first grade teacher reading Ramona Quimby, Age 8
- A copy of The Wheel on the School bought at a book fair.

- My fourth grade teacher sending home Sing Down the Moon when I had the chicken pox
- Finding The Sign of the Twisted Candle on the library shelf eventually leading, not only to all the Nancy Drew Books, but all of the Hardy Boys and The Three Investigators as well.

- A couple of red Happy Hollisters books on our basements shelves.
- A friend lending me The Book of Three.
-Reading The White Mountains after reading an excerpt in Boys Life at the dentist.
- Delighting in the adventures of The Great Brain

- A book report written on A Wrinkle in Time.
- And of course, I remember the first time I read Little House in the Big Woods, Little Women, Anne of Green Gables, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, The Secret Garden, and A Little Princess.
- I also couldn't get enough of those Choose Your Own Adventure books.

But the book that stands out, the one that I have read and re-read many times in my life since that first delicious discovery; my true guilty-pleasure-comfort-read sometimes even now is

Beauty and the Beast is my favorite fairy tale. I fell in love with it through this book. It is a simple romantic story of inner and outer beauty, selfishness and selflessness, love, sacrifice and redemption.

For more Wordfull Wednesday check out Chocolate on My Cranium.

HAPPINESS IS . . .

2011-01-24T20:25:00.000-07:00

. . . sharing secrets.

2011-01-20T19:16:00.000-07:00

Its not much of a list but here are 2 things that made me giggle today.

Hopefully they will make you smile too.

Alone and Together

Focusing

2011-01-19T21:22:00.000-07:00

Take one batch of ordinary looking cupcakes

find a little inspiration

add a few extra ingredients

and you have

cheescake cupcakes for someone's 33rd birthday.

Add this bad boy that arrived by parcel post first thing this morning

a couple of balloons

and you have quite the party

for the birthday boy!

blah, blah, blah

2011-01-18T15:34:00.000-07:00

I don't know if it's just the post-holiday, inversion-setting-in, January blues or if being 30 weeks pregnant has slowed me down but the last couple of weeks have just felt blah. I have been tired and sluggish and uninspired. We have been slow to start up school again and have been doing only a minimum each day. Dinner has more likely to be mac & cheese or chili or a bowl of cereal than anything taking forethought or effort. My heart and feet have trudged wearily through each day feeling more and more overwhelmed just by pulling just the basics together and thinking over everything else I want to accomplish but have no energy or motivation to do. Then it just came crashing around me in tears.

And, wouldn't you know that was when the sunshine broke through the clouds.

Literally the weather warmed up and sunshine and blue sky appeared. For a day or two it felt like March. My spirits began to lift a little. On Sunday, as part of Ward Conference, the Stake Relief Society Presidency spoke in Relief Society with the exact words I needed to hear. For two nights in a row Bug, who is still not a great through-the-night-sleeper, slept through the night and so did I. Add all of that to a few cups of steaming hot Godiva's Dark Hot Chocolate (a Christmas present) and life is looking a little better.

Funny how that happens.

HAPPINESS IS . . . .

2011-01-17T08:22:00.000-07:00

. . . . a big-girl haircut just in time to turn six.

2011-01-08T11:34:00.000-07:00

tabula rosa

blank slate

writer's block

LISTOGRAPHY

2011-01-06T13:45:00.002-07:00

I love love love lists. I make lists for everything. Its compulsive. Its obsessive. Its cathartic. I used to do Thursday Thirteen but not for a while and the number was too limiting. I like to free-form my lists. So, this year I am starting LISTOGRAPHY. A weekly list. Just for me. About whatever.

In the spirit of the New Year

INSPIRED BY

1 -

Of the Things that Matter Most

by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf

"Therefore, it is good advice to slow down a little, steady the course, and focus on the essentials when experiencing adverse conditions."

Mothers Who Know

By Julie B. Beck

"These mothers choose carefully and do not try to choose it all."

3 -

Reflections on a Consecrated Life

by Elder D. Todd Christofferson

"I would like to consider with you five of the elements of a consecrated life: purity, work, respect for one’s physical body, service, and integrity."

4 -

Good, Better, Best

By Dallin H. Oaks

"We should begin by recognizing the reality that just because something is good is not a sufficient reason for doing it. The number of good things we can do far exceeds the time available to accomplish them. Some things are better than good, and these are the things that should command priority attention in our lives."

5 -

Three Goals to Guide You

President Thomas S. Monson

"In this spirit, I have felt to provide each member of the Relief Society throughout the world three goals to meet: 1.Study diligently. 2. Pray earnestly. 3. Serve willingly."

6 -

Mothering with Spiritual Power

by Debra Sansing Woods

"I find that I tend to trip myself up when I have unrealistic expectations of myself as a mom and of motherhood in general."

7 -

Happiness is Your Heritage

by Presiden Dieter F. Uchtdorf

"You may think you don't have talents, but that is a false assumption, for we all have talents and gifts, every one of us."

8 -

"And Upon the Handmaids in Those Days Will I Pour Out My Spirit"

by Julie B. Beck

"A good woman must constantly resist alluring and deceptive messages from many sources telling her that she is entitled to more time away from her responsibilities and that she deserves a life of greater ease and independence."

In the New Year

2011-01-05T22:50:00.003-07:00

I haven't made any resolutions for the New Year and I feel a little bereft. There is a long list of things I want to do and make and accomplish and change but life has a way of happening and it would be unrealistic to expect they can all be done. If I pick and choose a specific list I'll only get distracted by other things and fail to accomplish my original goals. So, I have decided to make a list of commitments. The idea comes from reading The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. She calls them personal commandments and it was designed as part of her specific year-long project. I prefer the term personal commitments and mine reflect weak spots in my own character that need improving. I don't expect perfection but growth.

1 - BE KODELLE

2- DO WHAT I OUGHT TO DO

3- THINK KIND, SPEAK KIND

"NEVER LET A PROBLEM TO BE SOLVED BE MORE IMPORTANT
THAN A PERSON TO BE LOVED"

HAPPINESS IS . . .

2011-01-03T13:43:00.001-07:00

. . . . losing two front teeth!

losing a tooth

2010-12-28T07:22:00.000-07:00

That's Sunshine at nine-o'clock the night before last.

Notice the little gap in her front teeth?

She lost her first baby tooth.

A teeny tiny thing that has been "wiggly" for a few weeks. She came bounding up the stairs from bed laughing and excited. "I lost my wiggly tooth. I lost my wiggly tooth." Calls were made to grandparents on the spot.

I tried not to cry.

I am not ready for this growing-up girl who will be six soon.

The days may be long but the years are short and slipping by too fast.

HAPPINESS IS . . .

2010-12-27T14:05:00.000-07:00

. . . crayons and paper all by yourself.

making cookies

2010-12-23T07:10:00.000-07:00

Step 1. put on Mommy's apron and take 1/4 cup flour, a spoon, and a bowl

Step 2. dump the flour in the bowl and on the table, mixing thoroughly, letting Mommy help the older girls with their cookie dough
Step 3. play with the empty butter box then taste flour

Step 4. get tired of the flour and climb on the table to grab my sister's gingerbread dough until Mom gives me a piece of dough and the rolling pin

Step 5. happily roll out dough
Step 6. find a cookie cutter on the floor and cut out a gingerbread cookie of own
Step 7. let Mommy clean me, the table and the floor while staring at the cookies in the oven and pointing
Step 8. eat my very own "I made it" cookie

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

HAPPINESS IS . . .

2010-12-20T14:02:00.000-07:00

. . . banana for breakfast.

how many gumballs can fit on the roof?

2010-12-18T08:16:00.000-07:00

too many

2010-12-17T20:00:00.001-07:00

Happy Christmas to me!

Its a bit early but I was so excited to get this bad beauty up and running.

I know, you're probably thinking, "Gee, its a mailbox. Nice but, um, not really jump-for-joy exciting."

If it were any old ordinary mailbox, I might agree with you but this is a monster mailbox.

It swallows up the old mailbox (complete with some previous two-owners-ago name) with room to spare.

Why is this so awesome you ask?

Because I get an inordinate amount of packages (mostly books from Paperbackswap.com but an occasional Amazon.com splurge) on a regular basis that either get stuffed and bent into the tiny mailbox space or that has the poor mail-lady running up to the front door rain, snow, or shine to leave the package(s).

Now they should all fit snuggly and safe in this cavernous space. I wonder how many packages it can hold? I may need to test her out. I've got some mad money to spend.

Hmmmmmmm........

My husband thinks its more of a Christmas present for the mail lady. If I had thought ahead a little I would have wrapped a big red bow around the box and stuck a Merry Christmas sign on the front for her. Instead, we settled for waiting for her to pull up (is it pathetic that I know what time to expect my mail-lady to deliver the mail and that I often rush out in time to give her a cheery hello and thank you?) then popped out the door to yell "Merry Christmas" to her.

From the laughter and the chat, I think we made her day.

I know my husband made mine.

Now, about that fill-up-the-mailbox-challenge . . . .

elephants on parade

2010-12-16T19:54:00.013-07:00

Fleece sleeping bags for their build-a-bears, dolls, stuffed dinosaurs or whatever needs a "bed."

And, of course, you can't be tucked in without a favorite stuffed friend - so, little fleece elephants to match.

P.S. The sleeping bags are just fleece folded over and sewn up partway to resemble a sleeping bag. Easy Peasy no pattern required. I found the elephant pattern here at Tipnut. The pattern prints out in miniature. I had to enlarge it to the size I wanted. I'm also diggin' the little lamb and the octopus. Oh, and I was excited to see the pillow buddy pattern (my girls have been asking for Pillow Pets.)

HAPPINESS IS . . .

2010-12-13T14:00:00.000-07:00

. . . . watching cartoons with your sisters.

does this ever happen to you?

2010-12-10T21:07:00.003-07:00

Sunshine:

Mom, sometimes I get upset and just lose my temperature.

2010-12-09T09:22:00.000-07:00

See that lovely "HAPPY?"

That was written by my 3 year old Monkey all by herself! She copied the letters from the "Happy Christmas" I helped her write above. The girls had out the markers and stickers to make "Christmas Cards" and I turned to assist Sunshine in spelling out a couple of words, turned back and found this at the bottom of the page. I didn't even know she could write any of the letters by herself much less an entire word.

Its so fun to discover the things your kids can do.

She has one proud Mama.

Please, sir, can I have s'more?

2010-12-08T21:08:00.002-07:00

Our activity today was making s'mores. Its simple really; a little bit of chocolate, a big marshmallow, a couple of graham cracker squares and about 6 seconds in the microwave. The result is mooshey gooey goodness.

The reception from the girls was only lukewarm. Bug had a sort of deconstructed non-gooey s'more to save her Mama's sanity. Monkey was absolutely opposed to giving it a try and Sunshine was a bit wary but eventually dived in and gave it the thumbs up.

It was the melty marshmallow that seemed to concern the girls the most; and the mess. As Head and I talked to the girls about making s'mores with a campfire, we realized we have been depriving our girls. They have not been camping. They haven't even been to a cookout with hot dogs falling in the fire and tinfoil dinners and soda pop from a can wet with ice from the cooler. They have *gasp* never had the pleasure of eating a recently-on-fire-burnt-just-right-super-gooey-in-the-middle-marshmallow right from the stick. Poor kids. We are so slacking in our parenting responsibilities.

So, first on our adventure list for next year - an outdoor cookout in the mountains.

Sometimes . . . .

2010-12-07T07:59:00.001-07:00

. . . only a sister will do.

HAPPINESS IS . . .

2010-12-06T21:38:00.000-07:00

. . . a new blue bathroom.

Okay, the bathroom is not new but the blue is. Out with the awful dirty brown "neutral" color and in with clean and bright loveliness. Its the only room that's been finished in our not-quite-a-fixer-upper and I just might move in.

Invisible Moms

2010-12-04T10:54:00.000-07:00

This was sent to me by a friend and I thought I would share.

So, if you are having one of those days . . . .

The Invisible Mom

I was thrilled to find this recently on the Internet. It's called "The Invisible Mom." A few months ago I saw it performed as a Christian monolog skit for a women's conference. It made such an impact.
*New note: I recently found out that the actual title of this drama monolog is "The Invisible Woman: When Only God Sees" and was written by Nicole Johnson who performs it at many Women of Faith Conferences.

It started to happen gradually. One day I was walking my son Jake to school. I was holding his hand and we were about to cross the street when the crossing guard said to him, 'Who is that with you, young fella?' 'Nobody,' he shrugged. Nobody? The crossing guard and I laughed. My son is only 5, but as we crossed the street I thought, 'Oh my goodness, nobody?'

I would walk into a room and no one would notice. I would say something to my family - like 'Turn the TV down, please' - and nothing would happen. Nobody would get up, or even make a move for the remote. I would stand there for a minute, and then I would say again, a little louder, 'Would someone turn the TV down?' Nothing.

Just the other night my husband and I were out at a party. We'd been there for about three hours and I was ready to leave. I noticed he was talking to a friend from work. So I walked over, and when there was a break in the conversation, I whispered, 'I'm ready to go when you are.' He just kept right on talking.
That's when I started to put all the pieces together. I don't think he can see me. I don't think anyone can see me.

I'm invisible. It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'mon the phone?' Obviously not. No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.

I'm invisible.

Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?

Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.' I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again.

She's going... she's going... she's gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a banana clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.'

It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: 'To Charlotte , with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'
In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names.These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.' And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.'

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.'

That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, 'You're gonna love it there.'

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

Advent Calendar

2010-12-01T13:58:00.000-07:00

This was the year I was finally going to make an advent calendar; something wonderful out of felt and fabric. I couldn't really settle on an idea. Nothing quite appealed to me and then it was too late to begin. So, another year gone and no handmade tree skirt and no handmade advent calendar. Maybe I should begin both in January. That would give me 11 whole months to procrastinate instead of only 30 days or so.

I did come across the idea of advent bags at it is what it is.

They took minutes to put together. Each one holds a treat and a slip of paper containing a Christmas related activity (except for Sundays) and two scripture references that will read through the story of Christ's birth and His mission.

I hide the bags each day for the girls to find. They take turns opening the bags and "reading" the scriptures. Today's activity was writing Christmas wish lists. Those girls know what they want.

Sunshine's Christmas Wish List

Monkey's Christmas Wish List

a new easel

3 teddy bears

a little blue elephant, not real but a fake

a blue boat with monkeys on it and cowgirls with them

a blue hat

a yo-yo

a cup

a new dress, pink and glittery like a fairy

a new binky for my sister

a dinosaur that's blue

glasses like you have, Mom, but blue

I want my name to be Lacey

(ummmmmm, I don't really know where that last one came from . . . . )

2010-11-30T20:55:00.000-07:00

a whole lotta crafting going on

2010-11-22T20:07:00.002-07:00

Christmas is coming and I am getting excited. So many of my gifts this year are handmade. I have been plotting and planning for weeks; carefully gathering supplies. November seemed to be a good time to start putting it all together.

I've been neglecting things like blogging and laundry (but not reading, I've been using that time to re-read the last three Harry Potter books in preparation for the new movie and finishing up Mockingjay which is due back at the library today) in order to use my precious spare moments to work on Christmas gifts.

The weather last week cooperated with a little snow and the radio has obliged with a little Bing Crosby and Mormon Tabernacle Choir to set the mood. I wish I could share with you what I am making but most of the recipients read this blog and that would be giving too much away.

a little behind the times, part II

2010-11-22T09:19:00.000-07:00

Sunshine continues to amaze me with her reading skills. She requires a little help with longer words she hasn't encountered before but can sound out most one or two syllable words herself. She loves to read aloud but just recently discovered that she can read by saying the words in her head instead of out loud. She was very excited about this discovery.

We've also been working on some holiday workbork pages found for pennies at Currclick (my new favorite homeschool site.) These have included coloring pages and simple worksheets for reading and math and mazes, which are a big hit. They have also included simple word searches and crosswords which fascinate Sunshine. She works diligently on the puzzles and gets so excited when she can figure it out by herself or with a couple of hints.

We've also done a craft or two for Thanksgiving. Paper turkeys of one variety or another abound.

And, we've moved from addition to subtraction which Sunshine finds to "quite easy, Mom."

a little behind the times, part I

2010-11-20T09:18:00.000-07:00

Boy, have I been neglecting this blog. Not on purpose, its just been busy between school and errands and housework (oh, the piles of laundry) and, I must confess, reading Harry Potter and crafting for Christmas. So, to catch up - we had a break week and have been using our set of Usborne First Encyclopedias to introduce a little science, geography, and history to our schedule.

We've read through sections on Planet Earth and Underground. Volcanoes were a big as were fossils and geology. The girls spent an afternoon digging through the gravel in the driveway trying to locate fossils and gems. They each have an egg carton full of "pretty" rocks.

We moved on to Space where the phases of the moon became quite fascinating. Especially why we sometimes see the moon during the daytime with has long been a topic of excitement.

all by myself

2010-11-17T20:06:00.002-07:00

Sunshine was so proud of her cake. She made the whole thing (almost) by herself. I helped her follow the recipe she read. She was even prouder of frosting it without any help. And the cake? It is one of the best I've tasted. Its not just the Mom in me that's saying that. I'm not generally a big cake fan because they are usually a little dry but this cake was very moist and light. I don't think it will last long.

I spy with my little eye . . .

2010-11-16T15:09:00.000-07:00

5 little turkeys and a garage

2010-11-06T20:50:00.000-06:00

These are my five little turkeys. I made them today at our Relief Society's Super Saturday. Aren't they cute? They are just waiting to gobble up some candy corns or autumn colored M&Ms. One for each place at the table.

This is our new garage. Its a one car with extra room for a shop area. The best part; it was free! We found it on a local online classified site. The catch; we had to tear it down and haul it home. Thank goodness for friends and family who spent the entire day helping. Its in pieces leaning against the back of the house. In the spring it will be a reassembled on a new concrete pad next to our driveway with a new roof and coat of paint. We will also be adding a carport, a new roof, gutters, new windows and doors to our house. Oh, and a free shed for the outdoor stuff. Those we were planning on. The garage is a bonus and a few years earlier than planned.

Very exciting stuff if your a car guy with nowhere to work and no home for your much loved tool collection and you have an old volvo bought for a song waiting to be tinkered with.

Happy Belated Birthday to Me!!

2010-11-04T20:25:00.011-06:00

This little beauty came in the mail today. It is a beautiful camera strap cover. The minky backing is so soft and comfortable on my neck and I love the lens cap sleeve. It is nice and convenient and saves me from having to hunt down where I set my lens cap. I wish I could take a picture of it on my camera. Its quite stylish. Really, the photo does not do it justice. If your interested you should check out SewTamz Designs on Etsy. She has quite a selection.

a homeschool moment

2010-11-02T15:24:00.001-06:00

I have not really posted about homeschooling on this blog. I have meant to post on our homeschool site about why we homeschool and how and such but the words haven't come together yet. They will. The road to homeschooling was a long process and an easy decision for Head and I. A moment in a math lesson with Sunshine last week clarified for me why our decision to homeschool was the right one for our family.

Sunshine and I were working on an addition worksheet. She can add quite easily, so I only have her work through problems that are presented in ways she hasn't encountered yet such as different types of word problems. The last section on the sheet were two columns; one for Jack and one for Jill. Above the columns six lemons are pictured. In Jack's column there is a list of numbers each in its own square. Jill's column is blank. The problem is: if Jack chooses _ lemons, how many does Jane get? Sunshine immediately sized up the problem, applied her own experience, and proceeded to cross out all of the numbers in Jack's column and write 3 in both columns. As she did this, she explained to me that if Jack only took two lemons it wouldn't be fair. It was only fair if Jack and Jill each got 3 lemons because they needed to share. The story grew from there as she explained that if there were only 5 lemons they would each get two and one could be cut in half. She moved through 4 and then decided that if there were only 3 lemons Jack would get one, Jill would get one, and they would give one to their little sister. Then she spun out a whole story with Jack and Jill and their little sister and their lemons that involved a great deal of adventure, numbers, dividing, fractions, sharing and being fair and nice.

I was stumped for a moment. I had not seen the math problem the way that Sunshine did. If she had been doing this worksheet in school, her answers would have been marked wrong or a teacher would have stopped her musings and explained the "correct" way to complete the problem. In a room of 30 children, you don't have time to wonder at the unique perspective of each child. But I do. I already know that she could have easily figured out how many lemons Jill would get. What I learned from listening to her work out what she saw as the real problem to be solved was worth so much more than a right answer.

2010-10-30T14:26:00.001-06:00

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

hats and eyepatch sets from the dollar store = $2

beads from the dollar store = $1

2 foam swords from Target - $2

eye patch and plastic gold hoop earring = $3

trick or treat bags from the dollar store = $3

3 sheets of white felt for skull and crossbones = $1

red and white striped fabric for sashes and headscarves $5

3 white shirts, 2 black shirts, 3 pair black pants = from current wardrobe

4 bags of Halloween candy bought with coupons = $6

Total for 5 pirate costumes and candy = $23

(I didn't get a picture of myself or Head. We wore black t-shirts with a white felt skill and crossbones, red and white striped headscarves, an eyepatch for Head and a gold hoop earring for myself.)

a happy family of pirates heading to the ward Halloween Haunt = lots of fun and games and treats

a glimpse of the other side

2010-10-27T21:19:00.001-06:00

When my girls aren't plotting mischief, they generally use their creative powers for good.

two partridges

2010-10-26T11:19:00.002-06:00

My mother's birthday was a couple weeks ago.
When I saw these on Modest Maven, I knew they would be perfect. My mother loves antiques and old treasures. I carefully chose the fabrics to look a little like old fashioned quilting scraps to match my mother's collection.

It is my first attempt to sew anything three dimensional. They were very simple - if you can already sew things that are not mainly straight streams. I had a bit of trouble piecing them together just right so the beak area matched up without looking wonky. Frustrating doesn't quite describe it. I was so thrilled when I finally got it right. Who knew sewing could produce such an adrenaline rush.

And my mother? She loved them. Of course, she is my mother so she sort of has to.

Happy Birthday, Mom!

jack-o'lanterns

2010-10-25T21:07:00.003-06:00

Spoooooookkkkkyyyy............

*Original design on the right by Sunshine.

**Original design on the left by Monkey.

2010-10-23T09:29:00.000-06:00

Today is wet and windy and a bit chilly. Last weekend, however, was warm and sunny. I am glad the girls and I took the opportunity to spend the day with family and friends out in the sunshine.

We picked some vegetables.

Went to the pumpkin patch for the perfect jack-o-lantern pumpkins.

And went to Gardner Village for Witchfest: games and costumes and treats.

We met up with Head after work for a rare dinner out.
It was a good day.

a new family hobby in the making?

2010-10-22T21:32:00.000-06:00

Head's been wanting to do this for a while.

The girls loved it.

Next time we'll build our own.

Maybe.

too tired for a title

2010-10-21T19:37:00.000-06:00

I've been meaning to post all week but somehow life just gets in the way. We're on Fall break for school and I've been tweaking our schedule and pulling together the next six weeks now that I have a better idea of what we're doing and want to do. For some reason, this week hasn't felt like a break; its felt a bit out of control My kids are little (5, 3, and 1) but having kids seems like it used to be easier. The house used to be neater, quieter, and more organized. The girls were easily entertained with a ball or blocks and only half my attention. Now, they can walk and talk and they demand my time and attention. My days seem filled with chaos resulting from the strange and ridiculous. Lately:

they

(meant to mean one of my three little angels):

change clothes several times throughout the day for no discernable reason leaving a whirlwind of discarded clothing littering the floor, the bed, the dresser and hanging out of open drawers

pulled all of the dresses and storage clothes off the hangers in the closet of their room during "quiet time" to "decorate"

mash their food in their hair, stuff it down their diaper, drop it on the floor and fling it during meal times but about 15 minutes after the kitchen is clean, wails for food because they are hungry

bite their sister suddenly and without provocation but "dunno" why they did it

can't keep their finger out of their nose

wipe their nose on anything but a tissue

manage to use a whole role of toilet paper to wipe once

find it entertaing to draw on their tummy with marker

bring various toys and treasures upstairs throughout the day, apparently for the sole purpose of piling them on the kitchen table so the baby won't get them

won't leave the buttons on the DVD player alone

sit in the middle of the living room floor and tells everyone else to be quiet or leave because they want to be alone

have a great time at the park, grocery shopping, grandparents, etc and afterward claim it was not fun and why did I make them do it

eat a vegetable, chicken dish, or pasta dish several times and "loves" it then suddenly refuses to eat it because it is "not good"

have mastered the art of pouting

poke people in the eyes during family prayer

always wants to know "why"

(Um, I don't know why and I'm too tired to work it out. Just go with it, sweetie.)

Please tell me your life sometimes feels like this?

2010-10-15T13:51:00.030-06:00

We are being blessed with another little girl.

We are SOOOOO excited.

We will have 4 little girls.

Which is delightful.

I think I'll change my name from "Mom" to "Marmee."

What's cookin'?

2010-10-14T18:44:00.002-06:00

I'm so glad you asked.

Apparently my domestic side is running wild.

I did something I have never done before but always wanted to do.

I took this mess in a pot

and made homemade chicken stock.

Quite a bit of it.

Then I took some of the chicken stock and made

a yummy chicken stew.

And rolls

with an awesome honey-garlic-butter glaze.

Want to come to dinner?

Halloween Luminaries

2010-10-13T15:42:00.001-06:00

I found this in a recent edition of Taste of Home magazine:

I couldn't resist. I had to give them a try since I'm discovering my inner craftiness.

Besides, I finally had an excuse to use this:

I've never decoupaged anything and starting with tissue paper was a bit tricky.

I had start over a couple of times.

I love how they turned out.

Sunshine was fascinated by the process.

She helped me pick out the faces.

They come from the Taste of Home website.

They lend a little atmosphere at night.

The monster is a little underwhelming.

He needs a bigger candle.

Eeeek!

2010-10-12T11:41:00.000-06:00

I love these creepy little mice.

They add a nice little touch you don't notice at first.

But then you have to look twice.

They came from Martha Stewart

I only wish I had a space like this to let them run free.

Week Five: Daily Log 4/5

2010-10-09T09:17:00.002-06:00

Whew! The week ended with a bang. Amidst a midwife appointment, errands, and a child who developed a runny nose and one who caught a nasty stomach bug which threw everything off schedule we still managed to:

practice writing L/l and M/m

finish 1 Nephi Chapter 1

read Cinderella

work some puzzles and games online

complete several math pages

and

Sunshine read several chapters in a Nate the Great Book

10:29 AM

2010-10-08T11:36:00.000-06:00

What are you doing?

dem bones

2010-10-06T20:19:00.000-06:00

A few paper plates and a good idea found at Naptime Crafters

was all it took to liven up the living room for Halloween.

A fairly easy project.

These bones are little rough around the edges.

If I make them again, I think I will take some time

to design a template and make the bones a bit more elegant.

I didn't realize how big they were going to be when we started.

These things areBIG

As big as the girls.

They think its great.

But you have to have some serious space to display them.

If you find a smaller version,

let me know.

Week Five: Daily Log 3

2010-10-06T09:16:00.002-06:00

Today we:

read scriptures

the girls were really interested so we read two verses each instead of one

read Cap O'Rushes from our fairy tale book

listened to Classics for Kids about Igor Stravinsky

Sunshine read A Great Day for UP

she also played Perfection

(the game with the shapes that pops up your pieces)

attended storytime at the local library

and

made paper plate skeletons

paper pumpkins

2010-10-05T22:46:00.000-06:00

Aren't they cute?

And oh so easy.

It took me about 5 minutes to put together the full size pumpkin. The girls helped me with the half size pumpkins by cutting strips and punching holes.

I found the idea at Keeping it Simple.

Week Five: Daily Log 2

2010-10-05T09:15:00.001-06:00

Today we:
.

practiced yoga from A Yoga Parade of Animals

(thanks Seastar for introducing us to this book)

learned about "less than" and "greater than" signs in Math Mammoth

Sunshine loves how the "alligator" eats the bigger number
.

read scriptures and listened to "Follow the Prophet" Primary Song

Sunshine knows this song and was excited to teach me all about Prophets

read Beauty and the Beast from our 100 fairy tales book

this was a different version than what the girls are used to (Disney) and they were intrigued

Sunshine read a Berenstain Bears reader to me

practiced writing the letter "J/j"

and made paper pumpkins